Friday, November 25, 2011


Chickenhead loved a good pillow fight, but who doesn't, right?

April 22

“Stephanie, your friends are here!” my mother shouted.
It was a night I couldn’t wait for. Megan, Emily and Jen were coming over
for a slumber party. School was about over for the year, and we were
celebrating having the entire summer to ourselves. We wanted to go to the
movies to see “Teen Witch,” but my mom said it was playing too late. So we
stayed in, doing each other’s hair while watching “Perfect Strangers,” “Full
House,” and “Mr. Belvedere.”

We were all such good friends. Megan was the smart one. She already had
it planned out that, when she grew up, she was going to marry Donald Trump.
She was the pride of her family, which wasn’t very difficult to accomplish
considering that her brother was in prison for cocaine possession, stalking
Debbie Gibson, and sending threatening letters to Bill Buckner.

Emily was the one my brother called “The Ditz.” She was a huge New Kids
On The Block fan. She had shirts, CDs, videos, pillows, blankets…you name
it. If it was NKOTB, Emily had it. If you ever met her, she would
immediately tell you about when she met Joey McIntyre. He was signing CDs at
Strawberries with the rest of the band. We were all there; so we all met
them. Emily says Joey looked at her a certain way. So I guess Megan has
Donald, and Emily has Joey.

Jen was the cool one. She didn’t care much for “Teen Witch,” or “Full
House,” or the New Kids. She wanted to see “Pet Sematary,” and watched “L.A.
Law” and “Moonlighting,” and had a brother who took her to see Motley Crue,
Warrant and Cinderella. Megan would never see “Pet Sematary” because she
hates horror movies, especially ones that misspell words in the title.
Whereas Megan had Mr. Trump, and Emily had one of the New Kids, Jen had
my brother Gus. For some reason, she adored him. I kept telling her he’s
disgusting, and was named after a football-playing mule, but she doesn’t
listen. Gus came in after “Mr. Belvedere” to watch “Just the Ten of Us” with
us because he had a thing for Brooke Theiss and Jamie Luner, the pervert.
Jen started flirting with Gus and he hit her with a pillow. She hit him
back, and then he hit me. When I hit him back, Jen hit me and all hell broke
loose. The five of us kept knocking each other silly with pillows until we
were dizzy and there were feathers everywhere. This was bad, because Gus was
so dizzy, he fell down and knocked over my barrel of tar. Now we looked like
five drunken chickens and Mom was going to kill us.

“Gus, you idiot!” I said. “This is why I told you not to bother us.”
“Oh, shut up, dweeb,” he fired back. “You’re the one who made me fall.”
“Yeah, Steph,” Jen said. “Leave him alone. It was your fault.”
“What?” I was outraged. “I don’t believe this. My best friend and my
stupid football-playing-mule brother?”
“I told you, Steph,” Gus said. “I was born two years before that movie
came out.”
“So?” I said. “You’re still a dumb mule.”
“Hey, Gus,” Jen said. “Wanna come to the movies with us tomorrow?”
“What are you seeing?” Gus asked her.
“’Teen Witch,’” she replied.
“Isn’t that hottie from ‘Lucus’ and ‘Goonies’ in that?”
“No, Gus,” I said, knowing my stuff. “The hottie is Kerri Green, and she
was in ‘Lucas’ and ‘Goonies.’ Robyn Lively is in ‘Teen Witch.’”
“Shut up, loser,” he said.


“You shut up!” I screamed and began pelting him with my pillow again.
This only started the whole thing up again until we were all completely
exhausted, and Gus decided to leave, clean himself up, and go to bed.
“Way to go, Steph,” Jen said.
“Jen,” I said. “Why don’t you marry my brother if you’re so in love with
“Maybe I will.”
I didn’t have a reply to this. Everyone showered and went to sleep. The
night wasn’t quite what I wanted it to be, but the next day we went to see
“Teen Witch,” and we were friends again, ready for a great summer.

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